4 months.

4 months? Yea. I never realised it'd been 4 months. You looked sad when you figured out I didn't remember it. 

You might not know about the 4th month later, it would be a really unstable condition for our relationship. Superstitious? Yea, I am. 

That incident hit me even it was just a small little tiny thingy for you, perhaps, for me too. You said I'm feeling insecure now yet I don't think so. I didn't want you to text me all the times while other girls do it normally to their boyfriends. Because I don't want the last incident happens to me again. I did allow you to play games even though there are terms and conditions. I don't think it's too much for you. I think and prepare well for our relationship because I don't want any argument between us. You said you don't like I do this, I listen to you; don't like I do that, I listen to you. Even though I didn't say it in words, I did it with actions. Even though I just did a little, but it was a big step for me. And now, that incident was happened just like that. I realised I think too much. In this relationship, I'm too protecting. I realised I treated you too good and just let the incident hit me like that. Wasting my sleeping time, keep waking up just to check for your "not coming" message until the next morning, I have to know your safety from FACEBOOK. Just like my ex!! Just like what I did to my ex. I hate waiting, but keep waiting. I love sleeping but I always waste my sleeping time for my love one. Even the reason you gave me just same like him. You like to think vice verse. But you never think this vice verse. You just treat this like a small little tiny thingy and ask me everyday for the reason I'm becoming like this. Then, I feel stupid doing all this for you. I started to feel that you're not worth at all. Like him. When did I start to care so much about you? I told myself not to care so much. Not to love you so much. Right now I realised when I did care and love, and it's the time for me to get hurt! 

Didn't you realised this me is so familiar? You're right. It was the beginning me. Insecure? No. Just, I tell myself again, not to care so much, not to love you so much.

I know you will hurt when you see this. I know I'm so selfish. I just want to protect myself.